I love donuts. Donuts are my favorite food. They are so delicious and sweet. I buy a box of donuts every day and have them at every meal. I talk to people about donuts. I watch this video about making donuts. I like looking at donuts. I even talk to donuts. I softly whisper into the box, “I love you donuts.” Donuts are love, donuts are life.
Interestingly, I wrote this same song back in the late 1960’s right after the Beatles released Let It Be. I figured this number was a perfect fit for them. I wasn’t too keen on their “Letter B, Letter B” song or whatever. Figured they needed something with a bit more pizzazz, so I mailed it to Mr. Sargent Pepper at Abbey Road Studios and waited for their response.
I heard through the grapevine that Paul and George went crazy for it. Sadly, John rejected the song for being too lighthearted. Completely broke up the band, it did.
Chinese For Beginners, The Visibly Drunk, And The Mentally Impaired
I always wanted to learn Chinese, until I found out that ordering a number 18 at any Chinese restaurant will usually get you something good. Then I stopped caring. I can barely speak English as it is, so I don’t really think learning another convoluted mess of a language would benefit me at all. If anything I’d probably regress to a point where I couldn’t speak either language and I’d be rendered mute. The same thing happened in high school when I tried to walk, breathe, and chew gum at the same time. I wound up having a seizure and they made me wait in the nurse’s office while she applied leeches to the other sick students.
At least Chinese doesn’t pretend that it has a real alphabet like some other languages. They just seem to make stuff up as they go along. It’s like an inside joke that 1.2 billion people are in on.
I heard a rumor that Koreans were aggressive drivers, but I don’t think I could have possibly prepared myself for this. You can absolutely count me out of anything that involves boxing, Judo, and food preparation. Call me a sissy if you like, but these guys look hardcore, and I’m about as hardcore as a sea sponge with asthma.
I bet this wouldn’t happen in the peaceful rolling hills of North Korea. It’s sunny every day in North Korea, and the people are just as friendly as the weather. Nothing bad ever happens in North Korea — ever. Of course, no one actually has any cars, and even if they did they couldn’t move around or go anywhere, bit it’s the thought that counts. At least you’d be safe from roving vans full of street toughs who will leap from their vehicle and cut your cabbage at the slightest provocation.