Browsed by
Author: Denton Fender

If You Were a Real Man, You’d Dive Into a Pool in the End

If You Were a Real Man, You’d Dive Into a Pool in the End

Comments 0 Comment

Please, this is child’s play. What you really need to do is build one of these on a 100-yard bowling lane. This will all make sense in a second. Next, bring a bowling ball onto the ride; as a bonus, you’ll have more weight for your momentum. When you go over the top of the swing, don’t stop. Keep swinging yourself for a few minutes to gain some speed. Finally, when you’re at Mach 5 and spinning like there’s no tomorrow, let go of the bowling ball and roll a strike.

That’s how I do it. But I’d have to leave the house and go outside, so forget it.

Asbestos? You Don’t Want That

Asbestos? You Don’t Want That

Comments 0 Comment

Oh, you can use this thing with asbestos; just don’t sniff your ironed clothes when you’re done. Although, that shouldn’t be too difficult. Who sniffs ironed clothes anyway? You do that with fresh laundry, which smells heavenly and fruity. Ironed clothes smell like they just survived a fire in a hardware factory. I’m not sure why you’d take a huge whiff of that scent in particular. However, if your iron does not contain asbestos, smell your ironed clothes all you like. I’m not gonna judge.

Ah, Willy Wonka’s Bedroom

Ah, Willy Wonka’s Bedroom

Comments 0 Comment

The nice thing about this contraption is it adds to the property value of the house. Suppose you sell the house and move on to bigger and better things. Just leave the “Labyrinth” right where it is and the realtors will flip, and so will potential buyers. When the house hits the market, everyone is gonna try and get their hands on the fantastic ball machine that dwells within; it’s a selling point. Forget swimming pools and geothermal thingamajigs; this is what house hunters truly want.

Trust me, I have one in my house and boy, are my neighbors envious.

Just a Regular Tuesday Night for the King

Just a Regular Tuesday Night for the King

Comments 1 comment

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Jd9AmepgdM

Elvis was looking forward to his next gig. Things were looking up for him. He marched onto the stage with confidence. However, after the spotlight came on, he realized that he forgot all of his songs. Suddenly, Elvis was nervous and fearful. In the heat of the moment and without any songs to sing, he just decided to do whatever. The King danced like a maniac and buffed the floor with his shoes. He smacked his guitar over and over, only sometimes producing an actual tone. Finally, he threw in some hollers here and there for good measure. It was the silliest show in his entire career.

And the crowd goes wild.