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Author: Denton Fender

Turn On the TV Woman – I’m Missing “Crimpin’ With Jim!”

Turn On the TV Woman – I’m Missing “Crimpin’ With Jim!”

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I’m not gonna lie, The Citroen vehicle here looks pretty nifty, especially those headlights. But there’s one tiny problem with fixing it: Citroens are jam packed on the inside, probably because they’re so small. As you can see, the gang has trouble reinstalling the tent for the air supply, because they moved something out a mere inch. I’m pretty sure this isn’t just how Citroen makes their cars, either. I think it’s also how they do everything at Peugeot Citroen HQ: cram stuff in so you need less space. Employees would often jam stuff into their desk drawers. They even bought more clutter to cram into their desks if they didn’t have enough clutter. I mean, they were really committed to this business practice.

Unfortunately, Peugeot Citroen bought so much clutter for their offices that they almost went bankrupt and had to sell out.

The Great American Fever Dream

The Great American Fever Dream

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If you ride around in your chair with a Sprint phone, you have the right of way. It’s the law. OK, maybe it isn’t a law. Maybe it’s just a rule. OK, it’s probably not a rule, either, but just sort of a guideline. Alright, maybe it doesn’t really qualify as a guideline, like driving on the right side of the road or never stepping on the cracks to avoid breaking your mother’s back. All I know is if you’ve got some sort of a Sprint phone, you can go wherever you want and you won’t get into any traffic issues. Plus, if you ride around in a chair, then it’s “finders keepers” for you, pal. You can steal a random basketball from the park, for example, and add it to your furniture entourage. You’re even legally allowed to use your black magic to turn it into a globe.

Apparently the only thing your Sprint phone can’t do is keep Sprint from getting swallowed by T-Mobile. I’m not sure if they get to keep the chairs.

Clearly Fake – The Marbles Are Paid Actors

Clearly Fake – The Marbles Are Paid Actors

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You’d think that hamsters would be better than marbles in this maze because they’re sentient mammals. However, I learned the hard way that that isn’t the case at all. One time, I grabbed a bunch of hamsters from a pet shop so that I could create a machine like this one using them. Since these are living, breathing animals with senses, I figured I could make them do whatever I want. But the dern things just wouldn’t cooperate! I tried everything I could to get the machine going, but they wouldn’t obey me.

If I had actually bought those hamsters, I’d ask for a hefty refund, and demand more cooperative, and less frantic hamsters.

Meh, The Manga Was Better

Meh, The Manga Was Better

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I raced in this tournament once, and won. Back then I had a gorgeous race horse. She was white, fluffy, and ran like a maniac. I couldn’t wait to get out on the track and show the other racers how it’s done. The race began and I swiftly took the lead. Things were looking up for me. However, halfway around the track my horse stopped to lay eggs. That’s when I realized that they gave me a giant chicken. I’d been gypped.

But then the eggs hatched at the last minute and the little chicks won the race for me. That’s just how it works around here, I guess.