Alfred Hitchcock Was a Piker

Alfred Hitchcock Was a Piker

Horror? These guys know true horror.

Don’t give me any of that clowns in the sewer business. A clown in the sewer isn’t horrifying. A clown in the sewer is just a smelly clown. Paying $22 to see a clown in a circus, now that’s horrifying. I’ll pass on being scared by a guy with a chainsaw living in a rundown house in the middle of nowhere, too. I’m a guy with a chainsaw living in a rundown house in the middle of nowhere. No one’s afraid of me. If you want to introduce horror into the equation, you’re going to have to tell it from my point of view. The chainsaw won’t start.

Going down in the basement in the movies is always a bad move. But there’s no verisimilitude. In the movies, there’s always a knife-wielding maniac down there. Well, I dream of finding anyone down in the basement. I don’t care if they have a knife or not. Hey, you, put down that knife and help me move this table saw, will you? Without a knife-wielding maniac, I’d be on my own. Now that’s horrifying.

2 thoughts on “Alfred Hitchcock Was a Piker

  1. Strangely satisfying blog post.

    Table saw too heavy? You could do what my neighbor, the centenarian Great War veteran did when he had to move something heavy by himself. He went out to the front of the house, and put a pry bar to the sidewalk, and moved it a tenth of an inch. Every day. Eventually, he got the sidewalk where he wanted it. Then he died.

    I think there’s a song about that. Rubber tree plant, or some such.

  2. I remember the moment it all went south. The cause that sent events one after another clunking, clanging, screeching off the rails…leaving behind one unsatisfying dynamic building on the next. Someone lend me their time machine?

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