OK, listen up. I’m only going to say this once, and then you’re on your own. The next time you invade the Anatolian peninsula, your very life might depend on it. I’m going to teach you how to handle Turkish archers.

OK, let’s get the second guy out of the way first. You know, the guy wearing MC Hammer pants and an Amish hat. He’s wearing a vest, but he forgot to button it, so all the awesome leaks out. You should wear your vest, but button it up, and you’ll be able to take him easy. He’s a bit of a fussbudget when he’s reloading, so you can walk over to him and slap him around a bit if he doesn’t surrender immediately.  He’s easy.

The guy on the horse is bound to give you more trouble. According to Google Translate, the video is labeled:

Somehow, like this, the Turks of Wallachian fortifications on which they shot with their short bows. At that time the town of Valašské Klobouky defended itself.

Alrighty then. First, grab your GPS and find a detour around Valasske Klobouky. That might pose a problem, of course. My old Nuvi doesn’t have any roads built in the last eight years in it, and I can’t remember how to update it. You might be in the same boat. If you don’t have Valasske Klobouky in your GPS, you might run into this guy by accident. He buttons his vest, and it’s definitely holding in all the awesome. He’s not wearing his wife’s pajamas like the other guy. He might be trouble.

To beat the horsie guy, make sure not to stand still in the middle of a caution tape circle. You’re welcome.