Help us out here. We’re bored witless. We’re sending you all sorts of signals. We’re jumping off cliffs for shiggles. We’re driving in circles at 200-MPH for no apparent reason. We’re literally going nowhere fast. You need to give us guys something to do.

We bicycle along cliff edges and make homemade flamethrowers to kill the weeds in the cracks in the driveway because we have nothing worthy to occupy us. You won’t let us stand up to bad guys unless we’re wearing a leotard. A kilt I could see, but spandex? No dice.

You ladies sue us for sexual harassment if we look at you funny. We’re men! Of course we look at you funny. The only kind of look we have is funny. It’s no wonder we’re jumping off of cliffs for no reason. We’re all secretly hoping the chute doesn’t open. A change is as good as a rest.