Well, posting a good Russian driving extravaganza here at the BSBFB is long overdue. Video compilations of Russian car wrecks have a certain appeal that’s transnational.  Everyone everywhere likes to see someone worse off then they are, and everyone in the video is worse off than everyone.

If you’re new to Russian driving compilations, don’t worry. We’re here for you. We’re way up on the sidewalk, furtively looking both ways at the same time, but we are here. We’ve compiled a short list of driving rules in Russia so you’ll have an easier time understanding what’s going on. Read this, and you’ll probably know more about what’s going on than the poor sods in the video.

Anyway, here are the Russian Driving Rules

1. On a boat, the rule for staying onboard is, “One hand for the boat, one hand for you.” Driving in Russia is similar. One hand for the radio, one hand for the horn, and both feet on the gas.
2. Never drink and drive. You might spill your drink. Instead of drinking and driving at the same time, try alternating. First hold on to the wheel, and then when you get to a straightaway, grab the bottle with both hands. If a semi trailer is hurtling towards you, hit the horn with your elbow.
3. I swear to God I didn’t do it, and I swear to God I won’t do it anymore.
4. Keep it between the trees.
5. Paint is for sharing.
6. The girl in the thumbnail photo is never in the video. She’s a mail order bride and is currently driving the wrong way on the Pomona freeway while taking a selfie.
7. Darwin should be on the paper money here. Total oversight.
8. No matter what happens, go around.
9. No matter what, don’t become a Russian car insurance adjuster.
10. No matter what, don’t get in the trunk.