Today might seem like a day like any other, but today is a very special day. Today is the day all the nerds in the western world congregate to celebrate another sweaty turd secreted from the sweaty, strained mind of George “Needs More Dead Jawas and Screaming” Lucas. A new monolith to monotonous cinema has been erected using discarded Jar-Jar Binks merchandise and VHS tapes where Han shot first.
This is the movie built on a foundation of drivel that has stretched far beyond the bounds of time and space. When half the population of America is finished shoveling money into Lucas’s gaping, insatiable maw, don’t come running to me — because I like Star Trek, and I’ll scoff at you regardless of whether the movie was any good or not.