I love nerds. It’s really easy to beat money out of them, and their squeals fill me with a primeval sense of joy. Their girly little arms, ridiculously large glasses, and sci-fi themed t-shirts can’t protect them from a solid noogie. However, it can protect them from women.

Although nerds are adept at calculating arbitrary things and doing mathy stuff, they seem to lack the basic hygiene and personality traits necessary to find a suitable woman. While that’s not my problem, I do take pity on those less fortunate than I am. Here’s a few of my secret pro tips on how to pick up women if you’re a nerd. First, stop being a nerd. Secondly, continue to not be a nerd.

I hope that was helpful.