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Remember kids, Guitar Hero is just data entry. Wait until you grow up and have a crummy cubicle job to do that. Get a real guitar, learn to play it, and you might not ever have a real job; but you’ll always have a girlfriend’s couch to sleep on.

That, and Phil Spector hairdos.

Little known fact: Back in the seventies, the inventors of the VHS tape started a sinister organization to turn American schoolchildren into mind-numbed robots whose lives were devoted solely to the worship of inexpensive home video tape entertainment. We’ve uncovered rarely-seen footage of the evil effects of the “VHS Youth.”