Imagine Turkish Star Wars Mixed With Italian Spiderman, Only Worse
Ahh, Koreans: the slightly less tentacle-oriented cousins of the Japanese. Equally as insane, but with fewer violated schoolgirls. They stand teetering on the edge of the uncanny valley, somewhere between robots with emotive faces and the average MSNBC newscaster; your brain wants to believe that some parts of them are human, but you know in your heart that they’re not. Most Asian countries have their fair share of image problems, but I’d say South Korea has it worst because they don’t really have an image. Everyone just thinks of them as the sensible cousin to their absolutely insane, kneebiter, bond-villainesque, tosspot neighbor to the North — but South Korea is so much more than that. Like their Japanese friends, they also have an affinity for making the most bizarre tripe imaginable.
Don’t get me wrong, Korean Tron is a masterpiece. It makes the original look like it was filmed by an invalid with a camcorder and a full diaper. The only way it could get any better is if the story had anything to do with Tron or resembled any part of Tron. It’s like they had someone at a party drunkenly give them a vague description of what Tron was, and then based a movie off that information alone. Adding some Tron elements to your Tron movie seems appropriate, but it would probably ruin the effect. Shock, awe, bewilderment, and mild disappointment are a director’s best friends.
Having an out-of-work McDonald’s janitor do all the voice-over work was an absolutely genius move. Everything sounds like a grade-school production of Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf with the same level of comprehension and emotive power. Only having a passing acquaintance with the English language helps too. It offers a viscerally bad experience that’s fun for the whole family — like a train wreck, or a congressional hearing.