Don’t Be That Guy
It should be your goal in life to never be that guy. You know what I mean: The guy who roller skates around the airport with a go pro staked on the end of a javelin, pretending that he’s cool because he’s wearing suspenders and forgot to comb his hair in any sensible way. That guy. He even put a hashtag in the title just to get my goat. If I wanted to be bombarded with meaningless symbols that were made popular by people who typed War and Peace with their thumbs every day, I’d make a Twitter account.
If I said the camera has to be trained on him throughout the whole video because he’s so gosh darn interesting and really comes up with some witty dialogue, I’d be lying. I’ve watched at least half of this video, and I can tell you that he doesn’t utter a single sound the entire time. It gives sort of a Penn and Teller effect, except Penn is lying in a puddle of his own vomit in the middle of the stage and Teller has become shorter and very punchable.
To be honest, I’m just jealous because when I was eleven I saw a commercial for Heelys and I would have given up several non-vital organs to get my hands on a pair. That’s me lying again — the only things I’d give up a kidney for are Moon Shoes and for the TSA to stop staring menacingly at my carry on bag full of James Joyce novels and black tar heroin.
(Many thanks to Charles Schneider for sending this one our way)