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Category: home improvement

Here’s To You, Mr. Home Depot Projects Gone Mad

Here’s To You, Mr. Home Depot Projects Gone Mad

Our intrepid narrator and tinkerer, sounding like he just downed three Seconals with a bourbon chaser, gives us a tour of his various “Honeydew List” projects. In the past, I used to make a joke about building a house and then slipping the foundation under it later when impatient prospective homeowners wondered aloud why we had to wait until spring to pour a foundation for their house, but this wildman seems to actually done it with his shed. He’s a better man than me, that’s for sure.

He also seems to have a PHD in Simpson angle brackets, those L-shaped pieces of metal that he uses to hold his entire world together. He’s like the Michelangelo of angle brackets. But of course, no tour around his home-cum-bunker would be complete without showing you his homebrew airplane. His narration of the structure of his spruce goose is magnificent:

… you take these pieces of metal like this, and install them, every so often, on the wing…

Now that’s aviation engineering at the bleeding edge of innovation, isn’t it? You know John Denver would buy that thing from him. If he was still alive, I mean.

If I were his neighbors, I’d be heading on out to Lowes, and buying all the angle brackets they have, and beefing up my roof with them. It’s useless to go to Home Depot for the brackets. He’s cleaned them out.