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Category: boxing

Welcom To Australia: Where Giant Rats Fight To The Death In The Streets

Welcom To Australia: Where Giant Rats Fight To The Death In The Streets

I don’t care if it’s immoral, or illegal, or whatever; I would buy tickets to watch this. With kangaroos, every fight is Ali vs. George Foreman and his many grills. I’m pretty sure this is the least dangerous thing to happen in Australia, anyways. Everything that isn’t actively trying to kill you wants to beat the tar out of you and steal your awful knockoff El Camino. I think they’d actually be doing you a favor because you can take the money and buy a real car, and not a half-melted pick-up truck.

I’d say that no animals were harmed in the making of this film, but I’d be lying. Let’s just agree not to tell, and it’ll be our little Intertunnel secret.

Real Men Block With Their Face

Real Men Block With Their Face

If every fight looked like this I might actually pay attention to boxing. I refuse to spend forty dollars on pay-per-view to watch two overgrown men tickle each other. That’s what professional wrestling is for.

I paid to see some action. I want to see some blood and guts. I want to see the boxers turn on the ref and start beating him to a pulp after they get bored with each other. There needs to be more ear biting, crotch smashing, chest pounding action. Fighting should look more like a Black Friday sale at Walmart, and less like two men hugging out their feelings for 45 minutes. But I digress.

Our Japanese friends have once again shown us the way. They have discovered that our brain is encased in a thick layer of bone that no fist can penetrate. Which just proves that blocking is an inferior tactic. It shows weakness. Your opponent can’t crack your head open and feast on the goo inside, so there’s no reason to act like such a big sissy. Put your chin up and your dukes out. What doesn’t kill you makes for excellent television.

I Know Ali Could Have Beaten Tyson Because Ali Beat Foreman

I Know Ali Could Have Beaten Tyson Because Ali Beat Foreman


Boxing is less than a joke now. It was partly crooked right from its infancy, but it wasn’t like wrestling or anything; one man might throw a fight, but when someone punches you in the face, you have a tendency to hit them back. I wonder how many fixed boxing matches didn’t stay fixed after the first round. I think boxing, despite its sordid controversies, was still more real, and its outcomes more transparent and meaningful than say, NASCAR, or bicycle racing, or lots of other sports are today. Even lummoxes have pride.

I never saw a boxer bigger and stronger than George Foreman. Ali beat him. The rest is conversation. An interesting conversation, it’s true, but no more.

Dreaming Of Making It To Round Two

Dreaming Of Making It To Round Two


Heavyweight boxing is dead. It’s one of those sports that was the biggest thing in the world, then all of a sudden it wasn’t much of anything. Horse racing is like that. Perhaps football’s days are numbered in the same way.

Mike Tyson was the last great heavyweight. There’s really no way to tell how good he was, because there was no one for him to really test himself against. He got bored, got beat, got jailed, got broke, and now he’s a punch line. But for a while, he was literally terrifying. It would have been fun to see him against an Ali, a Frazier, some form of Foreman in his prime — someone worthy of his best efforts.