My name is Guido Hatzis, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of plumbing that I developed over two seasons of running pipe under the octagon. It’s called Guido Kwon Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to plumb with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.
If you don’t find this calming, then I don’t know what will. This video holds the exact recipe to calm the savage soul. First off, it’s made by PES, and watching a video made by PES is like taking horse tranquilizers intravenously. Trust me on this one, it’s pretty calming.
Vogon poetry, is of course, the third worst in the universe.
The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem “Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning” four of his audience died of internal hemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off.
A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta. You can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors. You can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon, or use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth.