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Category: slow motion

What Do You Call A Professional Archer Without A Girlfriend? Homeless.

What Do You Call A Professional Archer Without A Girlfriend? Homeless.

There seems to be a bit of a fetish for archery in modern media, and I’m getting pretty sick of it. They’re pellet guns for people who don’t want to offend anyone by owning a gun. Not even a real gun, mind you; if any of them ever saw a real gun they’d faint like a southern belle with a touch of the vapors.

I know it’s a supposed to be a manly-men-doing-manly-stuff-for-men video, but I’m just not seeing it. Everything from the soundtrack to their spiffy little outfits seems to be effeminized to the point of no return. I know that picking on the warmed-over modern-dance-country-alt-rock-polka that they have playing in the background might seem like overkill, but it’s really representative of what I’m trying to get at. The whole thing looks like a commercial for a pickup truck —  and not a very good pickup truck at that. I feel like they’re going to try and sell me Viagra in a moment, because that’s what comes on immediately after the pickup truck ads. It’s bad enough that they’re limp-wristed, but I’d prefer it if they kept their other limp extremities to themselves.

Notthatthere’sanythingwrongwiththat

(Many thanks to the indispensable Charles Schneider for sending this, and many others, our way)

Bad Sneakers And A Slow Motion Camera, My Friend

Bad Sneakers And A Slow Motion Camera, My Friend

How to make a successful skateboarding video: a lesson by Charlie Maine.

First and foremost you will need to own something resembling a skateboard. It’s okay if it’s just a 2×8 with all the wheels missing, it’s the thought that counts. Next, you’ll need the proper skating attire. Go put on your favorite Slayer t-shirt, flannel top, tight pants, and bad sneakers to fit in with your friends. The spiky denim jacket of yesteryear has been almost completely phased out in favor of the cleaner, neater, almost hipster look. You can still keep all your Black Flag patches, but punk is dead, dude. There’s nothing you can do about it, stop living in the past, man.

Finally, buy a five-thousand dollar slow-motion video camera, and watch the views come pouring in. Enjoy a fruitful existence full of sweet grinds, awesome ollies, and whatever it is skateboarders do.