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You Know The Germans Always Make Good Stuff

You Know The Germans Always Make Good Stuff

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You can tell this race is extra hardcore, because they’re using the spectators as mileposts and curbstones and bollards. Spectators don’t have much stopping power, but they pay extra to sit on the curb. Everyone knows that if you hit water hard enough it’s just like hitting concrete. I’m almost positive the same applies to humans. Not that it would ever come to that. The driver seems like he could hit the apex of any corner on Earth at mach speed, driving a golf cart with three wheels, while blindfolded. The golf cart he’s driving in the video seems to have all four wheels, so he’s at a definite advantage.

Every good job has a cool uniform, and their fireproof pajamas are some of the coolest I’ve seen. I guess to them racing is just a job. Just another day at the office. The only difference between me and them is my office doesn’t have 552 horsepower — and I don’t work in an office.

The Love Master Knows Cranes

The Love Master Knows Cranes

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The Love Master Knows Cranes. That’s a given. You know the Germans always make good stuff. But what are they hiding?

What is it with the Germans and tank treads? It’s like they always have a trip to Moscow in the snow on their minds. Summer in Warsaw. That sort of thing. And calling yourselves the “Love Master” on the side of your, ahem — cranes —  isn’t fooling anyone. The whole “master” thing smacks of Ilsa the She-Wolf of the SS kinda attitude. It just doesn’t sound like smooching and holding hands and all that jazz.

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Don’t Laugh — This Is How Hitler Started Out

Don’t Laugh — This Is How Hitler Started Out

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You know, the Germans make good stuff. Great trains, tanks, ball bearings, pop songs; you know, stuff like that. They’re good at producing the highest quality of everything. There’s a reason why Vince from Sham Wow proudly announces that his borderline-functional shammys are made in Germany. Germany has a long and storied history of making good stuff — and invading France.

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You Know The Germans Always Make Good Stuff

You Know The Germans Always Make Good Stuff


I don’t know what they’re making, but I’m all for it. Even if they’re just melting down scrap, it still looks pretty cool, and looking cool is the most important part. If you’re going to do something, you might as well look good while doing it. It doesn’t matter if you’re doing it correctly or even competently, just look at Italian cars or French movies. I know for a fact that they have everything backwards and wrong, but they’re so chronically cool it doesn’t seem to matter.

The visually pleasing aesthetics of a foundry are undeniable, because it just looks so gosh darn interesting. The bright, molten metal thrown against a rough, industrial backdrop is enough to get any hot-blooded man in the mood. I’m sure that every kid would want a poster of a foundry on their wall instead of the same boring cars and bands as everyone else. It’s some intense stuff, man. If H.R. Giger and Enzo Ferrari designed a poster, this is what it would look like. It’s what a loading dock in Blade Runner would look like. It’s the final scene of Terminator Two, minus Arnold Schwarzenegger descending into a pool of molten metal.

The only way this could get cooler is if they started tossing virgins into the molten pit to appease their pagan gods. Primarily, the god of fire and brimstone, the god of foundry workers, and the god of looking freaking awesome.