My name is Pahoyo, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of diving that I developed over two seasons of falling down in the shower. It’s called Pahoyo Kwon Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to dive with the strength of a boulder, the reflexes of a wounded duck, and the wisdom of a Filipino.
Never trust an eel. I know we’re all human; we waive to temptation sometimes. Just never, ever, trust an eel.
Imagine you’re out scuba diving, and you bump into a polite, spiffy looking eel. At first the conversation is a bit awkward, but you eventually warm up to each other. The eel stares meaningfully into your eyes and compares them to the vibrant hues of a coral reef, or whatever it is eels are into. He begins whispering sweet nothings into your ear, and reading you French poetry from a small book he carries around in his eel pocket. He promises you he’s not like other eels. He claims to be a perfect gentleman, and you believe him. As he whisks you away to his undersea lair you start to relax, and begin to think that maybe eels aren’t all bad after all. Then before you can say, “Oh dear God, he’s eating my kidneys!” you’re missing several vital organs.
So remain vigilant, my friends. One day you’ll meet a nice girl with a nice eel who doesn’t want to devour your organs, but until that day comes — get a dog.
I’m not sure if this is the best driving I’ve ever seen, or the worst. I suppose the commuters don’t have much of a say in the matter. The intersection seems to have been planned by the low bidder and constructed by a fleet of drunken toddlers. Placing a stop sign or two would have done a world of good, but it must have been too much for their budget to handle. It’s hard to pay for a road with goats and virgins; the exchange rate is just not in your favor.
When it comes right down to it the whole affair looks half finished. They all must have lost interest and gone home before they got around to painting the stripes.
Luckily, the lanes are just suggestions. As long as you drive between the pedestrians and glance out the windshield occasionally there shouldn’t be a problem. Drive fast, take chances, and never take your foot off the gas.
God help you if you’re on a motorcycle.
[Many thanks to the impeccable and good-looking Dad Of Home Schoolers for sending this along]