I have a long history of giving terrible Christmas gifts. I don’t get anything good in return, so I don’t feel too bad about it. Even Santa hasn’t given me anything good since Clinton was president, so I feel like it’s my duty to give equally terrible Christmas gifts to everyone I know. It’s not the right thing to do, but it feels so right.
Sometimes I put a lot of thought and effort into my terrible gifts. If I really like you, I’ll give you a jar of rocks I collected myself, or maybe an Arby’s napkin dispenser. You’ll have to steal your own napkins, but that’s easy compared with stealing the dispenser.
If you want to give something a little bit more substantial than the gift of giving this year, consider buying Unorganized Hancock’s new Christmas album! The Poorly Wrapped Christmas Album will bring glad tidings to all listeners, so pick up your copy today.