Are you feeling zen today? I don’t think you’re at peace with your inner self. When was the last time you tried watching a video about how pens are made? I think you should give it a try. Using the pen itself might help too. No, clicking a retractable pen for hours on end won’t make you feel better about your mortgage, estranged family, anthrax exposure, or looming societal collapse — but it might help.

You’ll never know until you try. Just give it a shot; what’s the harm? If i works out, you’ll feel a lot better about yourself. If it doesn’t work out, at least you won’t have to worry about the mysterious workings of a retractable pen anymore. Now you’ll know that those workings are much more painfully mundane and far less mysterious than you originally thought. I felt the same way when I figured out that the post office wasn’t run by fairies who would magically warp your packages across the country. It turns out that most of my packages are handled by a fellow named Chad, who’s a nice guy and all, but I don’t think he’d appreciate it if I called him a fairy.