While I’m sure we’d all like to take a minute to appreciate the subtleties of conch on conch warfare, I think that it’s a bit silly to use terms like: quickly, in a flash, and overrun. It’s bad enough the show is called World’s Deadliest when they’re talking about conchs, so let’s not kid ourselves. I’ve passed kidney stones faster than those mollusks were moving. I’ve seen riots that were resolved faster than that fight. If they were moving any slower, the Earth would have been able to complete a full rotation around that Sun before they caught each other.

What’s more alarming than the show’s blatant lack of understanding for the word quick, is their insistence on featuring plants, animals, and fauna that are not very deadly, or quick, or scary, or intimidating in any way. The next video on this playlist is Sudden Death Cuttlefish, which is an absolutely pathetic attempt to make cuttlefish sound like flesh-consuming hyper-killers. They’re called cuttlefish for poop’s sake, which is about two consonants away from being a cuddlefish.

I really miss the days when National Geographic had shows that were long looks into interesting animals and locations around the world. Now they’re all borderline snuff-films about whatever they could buy from the local aquarium for 30 bucks and a half-pack of menthol cigarettes.