[Warning: very salty language]

Bold, confident, innovative; these are just some of the words a businessman would use when talking about his company. But we here at Redneck Supplies LLC like to think we can say more interesting words about our company than any of our rivals. We’re just as enterprising, cocksure, and newfangled as our competitors, but at half the cost. We source all of our products from local entrepreneurs, cutting down on shipping costs, so we can bring you the best items for the lowest price.

I am proud to present the newest model from our award winning line of Redneck Sprinklers. As you can see from our live demonstration, the volunteer is not only rocked and rolled; he is thrown to the ground to be stomped and smushed at the user’s convenience.

So act now, so you and your loved ones can experience the wonder of our Redneck Sprinkler system. Now on sale for only forty-nine payments of $29.95.

[Many thanks to the indispensable Leon for sending this one along]