You know, some people don’t think much of the Second Amendment. They try to torture the syntax into a ban on anything but bolt-action .22 deer rifles, which you must admit would at least inconvenience the deer, and rusty shotguns you display over your mantelpiece.

Personally, I think we should expand the Second Amendment. Tweak it a bit. Bring it up to date. We should add on a coda or suffix or postscript or sequel or whatever you want to call it — and it should read that anyone that can make a weapon like this one should be able to own it, and wave it around, and carry it on the bus, and use it on anyone that looks at him funny. Demonstrated greatness in the service of mankind needs a grand gesture in return, I always say.

We also need to raise the bag limit on old laptops, and extend the hunting season on them.

(Thanks to Jonathan Frost-Johnson for shooting that one our way)