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Is Mayonnaise an Instrument?

Is Mayonnaise an Instrument?

No, Patrick. Mayonnaise is not an instrument.

The fellow playing the SpongeBob toy drum set is not a nobody. His name is Benny Greb. He’s one of the most well-regarded drummers in the world, among people who regard drummers. I don’t know anyone who regards drummers, but apparently they’re out there. Benny was something of a child prodigy on the drums, and he’s got a drum company sponsoring him, so he obviously knows what he’s doing.

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This Skippin’ Contest Is Geein Me the Boak

This Skippin’ Contest Is Geein Me the Boak

Mon then ya mad rockets, let’s be goin’ to see some stone floaters. There’s a many a good throw in the crowd. I’ll admit¬† there’s a few that rips ma knitting, but none dodgy. The peach with the elbow looks a stoater, but he got it right roon ye, din’t he, ya dafties? He starts a proper nigel but the assembled dae a burly and take him to their bosom, don’t they?

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Allow Me To Translate

Allow Me To Translate

Please bear with me. My Cyrillium is rusty. Or is that language called Cyrillanegran? I can’t remember. I was really loaded back in school most of the time. Being loaded was worth extra credit in that language class, though, because a proper Russkie was teaching it. Not like shop class. That guy was completely unreasonable about holding a mixed drink in your left hand while you used the drill press with your right. I think he was just jealous that I still had a left hand. Anyway, I’ll take a stab at translating the audio for you:

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Hi, I’m a Moron. I Wear Flip-Flops to the Junkyard

Hi, I’m a Moron. I Wear Flip-Flops to the Junkyard


Flip-Flops to the junkyard. To. The. Junkyard.

I’ve been to the junkyard, plenty. As a matter of fact, I’ve been to the junkyard to get parts for 1960s Mustangs, and their idiot adopted cousin, the Fairlane. A proper junkyard is full of snakes, yo. As a matter of fact, we used to go snake hunting in the junkyard. You’re going car hunting in a snakeyard.¬† Wearing toddler shorts ain’t helping your look, either, dude. And you keep returning to the junkyard without any tools. You’re on the Motor Trend channel, so you’re obviously dilettantes, so we’ll move on.

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