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Category: rockets

If It Doesn’t Shoot Flames I Don’t Want To Hear About It

If It Doesn’t Shoot Flames I Don’t Want To Hear About It

Luckily, everything on this fellow’s YouTube channel shoots flames or explodes, so we’re covered.

I’ve always wanted to make a jet engine of some sort. Maybe a pulsejet powered cruiser, or something like that. Unfortunately I don’t like working on my own, and it’s hard to find a good woman who’s interested in rocketry. Just finding someone who’s interested in making anything cool is quite difficult. All of my girlfriends refuse to construct flamethrowers with me. They won’t even stir the napalm.

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The Thai Space Program Is Exactly What You Would Expect

The Thai Space Program Is Exactly What You Would Expect


There was no obvious loss of life, and the thing technically went off without a hitch, but I’m still not entirely convinced that they’re ready to go to the Moon. The design is flawless. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a brilliant idea to design your spacecraft like a mix between a cheese grater and a Beyblade. My only concern is that it doesn’t seem to have any room to carry any small animals or humans into space. A man cannot walk on the Moon if the man is left at home, beer in hand, watching the explosions from the safety of his bamboo dinette set. They need to attach a lawn chair to that thing at the very least. If the government backs the project, they might be able to afford a fancy lawn chair from Target.

I once said that going to the Moon is piss easy, and I still stand by that claim. The only real issue that people encounter when shooting for the Moon is that they try to get cute with their rocket designs. The Russians had immense problems in the beginning because no one told them that you weren’t supposed to build your spacecraft out of concrete and dead dissidents. America kept their designs relatively streamlined, but we still managed to litter the Moon’s surface with semi-exploded satellites and debris. If anyone cares to look you can probably find Buzz Aldrin’s discarded pee bags. He might not have been the first man to walk on the Moon, but he didn’t whizzing everywhere.

I Didn’t Know Alabama Had A Space Program

I Didn’t Know Alabama Had A Space Program

Jeesh, Cape Canaveral really went to hell after people stopped giving a crap about space travel. We already beat the Russkis to the Moon and no one want to nuke anything from orbit anymore, so I can see why a lot of people have lost interest. The last time anyone managed to get to the Moon and back was 1972, and that’s an awfully long time by any standard. If the last successful mission to the moon was a person they’d have grown up, graduated from college, gotten a job at the cracker factory, gotten married, had three kids, raised those kids to adulthood, and drunk themselves to death by now.

I think the string of unsuccessful missions before and after that really put a damper on things; people want Moon rocks, not a big heap of well-done astronaut. I think we need to work our way back up to where we were beforehand instead of starting where we left off. We’re too far gone now, and every useful member of the space program has died of boredom. We need to start off by sending a few monkeys to test the water. If they don’t come back we’ll readjust and try again later. I mean — how hard can it be? If a bunch of robo-dweebs with slide ruler can do it then we normal people can.

(Many thanks to our dear friend Charles Schneider for sending this one along)

You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out, Kid — But It’ll Be Awesome

You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out, Kid — But It’ll Be Awesome

I think that there’s less of a chance of you shooting your eye out, and more of a chance of you burning your house down — or the neighbor’s house down. I guess burning the neighbor’s house down isn’t really the worst thing you can do. I mean, you come out ahead because you still have a house, and you got to shoot off some kick-ass rockets.

It’s sort of like siting in a cafĂ©, sipping coffee, and thinking about what brand of TV dinner you’ll have tonight while watching a train crash into the side of a building a block over. Naturally, it sucks that there was a train crash 20 feet away and you can still hear the sound of bones connecting with metal every night as you lay in bed, but you sill got to have your microwaved chicken alfredo. At least railway workers aren’t unceremoniously picking bits of you out of a shrubbery and throwing you into a plastic bag.

As long as you’re better off than someone else, there’s not much to complain about.