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Unclear On the Concept: How To Use an Effects Pedal

Unclear On the Concept: How To Use an Effects Pedal

That’s pretty good. But he’s missing some additional useful strategies for effects pedals. For instance, your typical stomp box is made with a heavy, metal case, weighs quite a bit, and is just the right size to fit in your hand for throwing. Great for calming down unruly audience members,

Teenage Wasteland on Grammy’s Lowrey

Teenage Wasteland on Grammy’s Lowrey

I can smell the potpourri now. The Glade freshener. The rosewater. Gram had a bitchin’ keyboard in the living room. I can hear the snap of the switches. Feel the sproing of the nasty plastic keys. Only one thing is out of place in this video. Gram would never let you put a drink on top of her organ without a coaster under it. Shame on you.

No Drummer? No Problem.

No Drummer? No Problem.

(Warning: some salty language if you happen to speak Spanish, otherwise you’re fine)

CocaĆ­na is a helluva drug.

I wouldn’t know, because the strongest thing I’ve ever taken comes with a childproof cap and all the tablets are shaped like little dinosaurs, but I imagine that a coke-fueled musical rampage must be interesting. I can’t vouch for how enjoyable it would be, but I’m sure that like a tire fire or honey badger attack, it would interesting to watch from a safe distance.

I’m sorry for my absolute lack of knowledge on all the cool drugs the kids these days are doing. I don’t get invited to many parties, and the parties that I am invited to are usually thrown by my mother or someone related to her. I’ve tried doing drugs at those, but my extended family always gives me funny looks when I ask if they have any ecstasy on hand. Every once in a while one of my cool cousins gives me a Tylenol, but that gets be about as high as the Titanic.

Despite all of my previous attempts one of my cousins hooked me up with a drug dealer who I’ve been visiting regularly. He’s got everything on the market: aspirin, Tylenol, acetaminophen, Advil; he’s even got cough syrup in five different flavors. Next time I got to see my him I’ll ask for some of that quote, unquote prescription stuff. Maybe I’ll buy some ibuprofen without asking my mom for permission.

Furry Lisa By The Beetlebrows

Furry Lisa By The Beetlebrows

Ahh — Furry Lisa by good ole Beetlebrow, the one and only Ludwig Van, the Oven-man himself. He probably wouldn’t be all too pleased by this. He always struck me as a very serious fellow, and I don’t think he’d appreciate any clowning around on guitars. Guitars are so 17th century, while the piano is a thoroughly modern instrument — er, by Beetlebrow’s standards. In Beethoven’s eyes, only way he could get any more modern is if he bathed every week. Our guitar-wielding friend probably bathes every day, which would make him a bit of a weirdo to Ludwig. Only a psychotic or a degenerate would bathe himself that much.

Personally, I don’t think Beethaven’s opinions on personal hygiene should enter into it. The fellow did something a bit weird for the sake of being weird, and he should get a cookie for being a good sport. Of course, under no circumstance should that many guitars be allowed in one room. If you’re not careful a jam session might break out, or worse — they might start reproducing and make more guitars.