Way out West there was this fella — fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of PSY. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. PSY, he called himself PSY. Now, PSY — he didn’t make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise.
My name is ба́бушка, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of dancing that I learned over two seasons of of going to the best underground house music shows that Voronezh has to offer. It’s called ба́бушка Kwon Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to dance with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.
To be completely honest, he has much better dance moves than anyone else in a one-mile radius. The best they can muster is jumping in place and pointing. They don’t feel it. They’re not movin, groovin, and bumpin. I, too, dance like a dad, so I know a thing or two about busting a move. You’ve gotta get your whole spirit in it. You gotta put your hands in the air like you don’t care. You need to embarrass someone.
Japanese, Korean, Chinese; who’s keeping track? I don’t know where this is from, and I’m far too lazy to Google translate the title. If I had to wager, I’d say that it couldn’t be Japanese, but I’ve been wrong before. There’s not enough tentacles, curiously sexual robots, or manic schoolgirls for this to be Japanese. Or maybe it is, and they’re taking a much more subtle approach to presenting their bizarre sense of everything. I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest.
I can narrow it down a bit further by absolutely guaranteeing that it is not Chinese. The Chinese get weird, but they never incorporate anything this sophisticated into their pseudo-propaganda footage. There’s not enough happy workers or red backdrops, so that’s a dead giveaway. It can’t be Korean because there aren’t nearly enough people playing Starcraft while girls dressed like a Dollar Store Madonna feed them peeled grapes. There would also be banner ads for computer gaming equipment covering every inch of the screen, so Koreans are completely out. This brings us back to the Japanese.
At first it didn’t seem strange enough to be Japanese, but now that we’ve eliminated every other possibility we can conclusively say that the video is from Japan. I’m mildly disappointed, because this marks a low point in their weirdness, but it’s still pretty far out. It would have been a lot easier to just Google translate the title and see what language comes up, but categorizing the video tendencies of the three most prominent Asian countries was viscerally satisfying for me — minus Russia.
Don’t even get me started on the Russians.
(Many thanks to our good friend Charles Schneider for sending this one our way)