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Category: cyrillically challenged

Let’s Play Cyrillic Jenga!

Let’s Play Cyrillic Jenga!

Ah, speaking Russian. That’s how you know it’s going to be fun, and pointless fun at that. The whole country seems to be the opposite of George Mallory. When asked why he wanted to climb Everest, he explained, “Because it’s there.” “Because it’s there” works both ways, in Cyrillic.

Chernobyl: The True Story

Chernobyl: The True Story

This is the mindset that begets the Elephant’s Foot. There’s something in the water they’re drinking over there, which by this time is probably all heavy water, that causes them to yell, “Hold my vodka and watch this.” Then they invade Afghanistan. Who’d be nuts enough to try that?

Anyways, to be honest, this experiment isn’t that risky. You’d only really be in danger if you’re made out of speaker cones or tin foil. Then again, you never know what the next fad will be with kids these days. Before you know it they’ll be sticking tiny speakers into their ears and pumping music directly into their heads. Hey, that concept sounds like it might just catch on. I should try to get a patent on that.

Allow Me To Translate

Allow Me To Translate

Please bear with me. My Cyrillium is rusty. Or is that language called Cyrillanegran? I can’t remember. I was really loaded back in school most of the time. Being loaded was worth extra credit in that language class, though, because a proper Russkie was teaching it. Not like shop class. That guy was completely unreasonable about holding a mixed drink in your left hand while you used the drill press with your right. I think he was just jealous that I still had a left hand. Anyway, I’ll take a stab at translating the audio for you:

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The Dukes of Oпасности

The Dukes of Oпасности

Hazard, that is. The Borderline Sociopathic Blog for Boys is way overdue for a session of laughing at Russians driving funny. Luckily for us, there’s an inexhaustible supply of source material.

At first, you begin to wonder why no one in Russia ever sees danger coming. To a casual American observer, the majority of these crashes seem to happen in slow motion. You can see the cars languidly drifting into the wrong lane from a half-a-mile away. Yet somehow, no one in Russia ever notices anything.

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