So there’s this guy. He’s under a block of buildings he owns. He wears only shorts, and a hard hat. He doesn’t say why he’s digging. He doesn’t say where he’s digging. He’s just digging. He date stamps his videos, and appends little notes from time to time, like, “Concrete for days.” Occasionally he stops digging, and does a little jig to techno music. He never says anything.
Dude totally rocks. He rules. You wish he’d renovate your house. Or demolish it. Either one. Both. Whatever. I don’t think you get any say in the matter. You just hire him, and stand back. Dude does his thing. You’re just supposed to be glad he’s doing it for you, instead of against you.
I thought living in a cave was supposed to be a lot cheaper — and dirtier. I’m kind of disappointed. I was looking forward to moving into a cave someday, when all my children disown me, and my wife politely asks me to leave the house or she’ll call the cops. Living in a puddle of my own filth overlooking a scenic ravine seemed like a great way to spend my final days, but it turns out I can’t even afford that.
(Warning: Some salty language in the soundtrack, but it’s all indecipherable for the most part. I’d mute it for the sake of your own sanity.)
It’s rather refreshing to see that the fellow working on the apartment was wearing close-toed shoes, long pants, and a long-sleeved shirt instead of flip-flops, culottes, and half a Slayer t-shirt. Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t believe in dressing like a Vietnamese serf when working on my house. Just because everyone on HGTV does demolition wearing nothing but a fig leaf and crocs, doesn’t mean you should too. Leave that behavior to the professionals who get paid enough to replace all the toes they cut off with robotic ones. It’s a little known fact that over 90 percent of all the renovation-TV-show hosts have robotic arms and legs because they keep cutting their limbs off. Norm Abram from Ask This Old House is more man than machine at this point.
At least renovation-TV-show hosts aren’t as bad as some of the other people on TV who have their entire body encased in silicone, so they can look like disturbing, fleshy, scarecrows for all eternity. I’d much rather be the Terminator than Pamela Anderson’s boobs. Err — actually, I might take that back. At least Pam’s boob gets to touch Pam’s other boob.