Well, that Hackerman lad means well, but he’s never going to get chicks or receive a government grant with that sort of approach. His sweet style is likely to be irresistible to hot babes, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that “hacking time” isn’t really where the action is in computer science these days. Mass erasing Twitter postings that don’t conform to this afternoon’s social justice opinions is where the smart money is being spent. That, and selling electric cars at a $10,000 loss per car and making it up on volume.
Anyway, the Borderline Sociopathic Blog for Boys doesn’t write checks with our ass that our mouth can’t cash. Wait, that sounded bad. We don’t walk the talk until we’ve stolen another man’s moccasins. Hmm. That didn’t sound quite right, either. Anyway, we’re willing to post our scientistic research papers online for peer review. Unfortunately, peers are very hard to find in our niche, mostly because we’re so awesome. Among ourselves, we refer to peer review as: letting the pets up on the furniture. If you’re interested, you can read our treatise on Deconstructing SCSI Disks. It’s a grabber.
You wouldn’t steal a handbag. You wouldn’t steal a car. You wouldn’t steal a baby. You wouldn’t shoot a policeman — and then steal his helmet. You wouldn’t go to the toilet in his helmet. And then send it to the policeman’s grieving widow — and then steal it again!
I’m scared. If that computer can run seven copies of World of Warcraft: Warlords of Draenor, who knows what else it could be capable of. If they put in another terabyte of memory, it might become sentient. The last thing humanity needs right now is a sentient super-computer, loaded down with seven copies of World of Warcraft. That’s enough Warcraft to wipe out the Eastern Seaboard.
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
Back in my day we used our computers for computing, and our floppy disks for floppying. Now that I think of it, I’m not sure I’ve ever used a floppy disk. I’m about a generation too late for a floppy disk to be useful, but I remember having them around. I think I used them as coasters, or something.
All I remember from those days is that everything was exceptionally noisy. Booting up your computer sounded like you were jump-starting an aircraft carrier, and connecting to the Intertunnel was about as quiet as a ten-car pileup. Technology wasn’t that subtle, and I liked it better that way. Now you can never tell if something’s working, because you don’t hear any loud grinding or whirring. You needed ear protection if you wanted to operate a computer for more than a few minutes.
They don’t make computers like they used to. Nowadays, you can use a laptop that doesn’t make any noise at all, except for when the battery explodes and sets your house on fire. I much preferred it when a computer was the size of a Frigidaire, and belched out huge plumes of smoke every time you entered a line of code.
Call me old fashioned, but I really can’t be the only person who prefers the woefully inefficient to the new and spiffy. Someone out there must prefer being around something that’s loud, smelly, and poorly designed — it’s the only way I’ll ever get a girlfriend.