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Sorry Fellas, I Need To Go Back, I Forgot The Beer

Sorry Fellas, I Need To Go Back, I Forgot The Beer

Sometimes being the life of the party is daunting. When interesting conversation isn’t cutting it anymore, you either have to bring a lot of booze, or throw yourself into the pool unexpectedly. If you’re really having trouble getting noticed by the fine chicas poolside, you can always try driving your car into the pool. Driving a car into the pool can be expensive, however, so most people stick to throwing themselves in, or maybe a rattlesnake or a baby alligator or something. Of course you can base jump into the pool from a nearby skyscraper if you can’t afford a case of beer. However, if it’s your first base jump, experts advise that you wear an adult diaper. No one except Bill Murray will think you’re cool if they find a Baby Ruth in the pool.

Watch Out for That… Cliff

Watch Out for That… Cliff

Ah, George of the Jungle. For readers of the BSBFB of a certain age, George of the Jungle will always be an amusing cartoon. For some reason, chicks prefer the live-action movie with Brendan Fraser in a buttflap. Chicks are weird, ain’t they? And what is it with chicks and horses, anyway?

At any rate, it may be time for a new version of George of the Jungle. I hereby nominate George of the Cliff Face here. Of course the theme song will require a rewrite:

George, George, George of the cliff face
Soaring like a hawk
Ahhh
Watch out for that rock!

George, George, George of the cliff face
Destined for the doc
Ahhh!
Watch out for that rock!

When he gets in a scrape
He makes his escape
And pays for the hospital
With this videotape

Then away he’ll schlep
With his internet rep
While YouTube and Instagram
Stay in step with

George, George, George of the cliff face
Next time check the wind sock
Ahhh!
Watch out for that (Ahhh) (Oooh) rock!

(Thanks to longtime reader Charles Schneider for sending that one along)

Oh Hell No

Oh Hell No

The nopeness, it burns.

Don’t get me wrong. I ain’t no shrinking violet. I’ve been skydiving, for instance. And by skydiving, I mean I’ve jumped out of a perfectly good airplane. It wasn’t even on fire or anything. I just jumped right out, on purpose.

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