New Zealand Man, not to be confused with Aussie Man, is a different sort of man entirely. While Aussie Man can pound down 10 cans of Fosters Lager an hour, New Zealand Man prefers to kick back with a nice barrel of Speight’s Gold Medal Ale. While Aussie Man lives in a place where everything that walks, crawls, or slithers on its belly is actively trying to kill him, New Zealand Man lives in relative comfort — because only half of all indigenous life is actively trying to kill him.
Oh dear god, stop that. Stop that right this instant! No more of this, I beg of you. I can handle snakes, spiders, crocodiles, sharks, sea snakes, scorpions, tarantulas, and anything else that you crazy Ozzies can sling at me, but please, make this stop. If I found this in my house, I would burn my house to the ground with my family still inside. It wold be worth it to get rid of that monstrosity. It’s the only insect I know of that you can kill with a rifle. That’s not a good thing. When something is large enough to shoot, it’s large enough to haunt my nightmares forever.
Way out East there was this fella — fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of Paul Charles Dozsa. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. Paul Charles Dozsa, he called himself Paul Charles Dozsa. Now, Paul Charles Dozsa — he didn’t make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise.
(Warning: some salty Australian language)
Way out West there was this fella — fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of Ozzy Man. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. Ozzy Man, he called himself Ozzy Man. Now, Ozzy Man — he didn’t make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise.