I assume boxing still exists in some form or fashion. Like a lot of sports, it doesn’t matter anymore, which is the same as being extinct to me. They have that wan replacement with barefoot guys with manbuns rolling around on the mat and barfighting occasionally. I’m not interested. Barfighting ain’t boxing.
Have you ever wanted to fly on a plane with shag so thick it’ll drown a toddler? Me neither, but when was the last time you were able to comfortably stand up in a plane, let alone grab a mixed drink and play pong? Exactly. These days you’re lucky if you have enough room to properly own and operate all four appendages. I’m not in a position to buy my own private jet yet, so I have to settle for the garbage that’s currently on offer. I assume that many of you are in a similar position.
Flying in a commercial airliner is closer to riding on a Greyhound bus than soaring majestically over the clouds. Even the first class cabins in most planes are pretty meh. I’m pretty sure Air Emirates offers hookers and blow for anyone flying first class, but they’re the outlier in this case. The average cabin looks like the inside of a PVC pipe with some carpeting and uncomfortable seats. What happened to the buffet and dinette sets? When did things go so wrong? We don’t have to have crappy, boring plane rides, we just do.
Some people might say that the reason why we’re confined to our seats is for safety, but that’s kind of a load of crap. I’d rather hit turbulence while standing at the bar, getting hammered on complimentary mini-drinks than sitting in a glorified deck chair, surrounded by people who are way too sober to be flying.
It’s a little known fact that this song plays on a loop in the elevator to hell, but it could be so much worse, so I’m thankful — at least it’s not Sultans of Swing.
Yoga: a silent, but deadly art form. Like a fart in the face of your enemy, yoga will mess that fella up.
Years of Kung fu training are no match for a man with an extremely bendy thumb. Then again, the sound of his joints cracking is enough to make a grown man wet himself. In the heat of combat that must be absolutely devastating. It’s almost as effective as taking a nail to a chalkboard, except you smack the guy with your super bendy arm afterwards.
The super bendy arm move is a great conversation starter. If you’re trying to chat someone up, tell them about your super bendy arm move. It always works for me.