The internet is a cruel mistress. They say a mistress is like a sailboat. The rigging always costs more than the hull. That’s why mistresses try to keep your attention on the rigging at all times. It’s good advice for how you behave on the internet, too. Keep an eye on your image, people.
I’ve searched and searched. Looked high and low. Hither and yon. Here, there, and everywhere. I’ve questioned the authorities, and unsatisfied, I questioned authority and investigated the matter on my own. I’m ready to make a pronouncement. This is the least interesting man in the world.
If it was just a 17-minute video about trying to fix a busted generator, he wouldn’t win, place or show. Tedium is not enough. This fellow graduates to the big time, goes from single equis to two equis, when he decides to make a three-video epic out of his busted Generac. That’s when he seizes the prize, the title of The Least Interesting Man in the World.
Flight delays are dreary. That’s because airports are dreary places. Long before they started hiring proctologists to greet you at the gate, all the humanity had been chased out of the whole process of going from here to there. Things could only go from bad to worse, and boy howdy, haven’t they?
Don’t get me wrong. Any man might sing, but it’s what they sing that matters. It’s how you separate the wheat from the chaff that determines if you’re qualified to stand with a pint and your hand and roar along with the rest of them, the best of them.
For instance, real men don’t sing Helen Reddy songs. They’re not interested in karaoke versions of selections from the Flower Drum Song. Real men go missing when Barry Manilow comes on the jukebox. Demi Lovato songs don’t enter into it.
Back before the Star Wars/Star Trek debate. Before the Samantha Stevens/Jeannie dilemma. Back before the Morticia Addams/Lily Munster dustup. Back before the Ginger/Mary Ann contretemps. Way back before all that, there was the Charlie Chaplin/ Buster Keaton controversy. Who was the best physical comedian in the world? It’s still an open question.