Hey, remember the circus? They had wild, exotic animals. The animals were trained to do all sorts of amazing tricks. The circus had lion tamers who stuck their heads inside the lions’ mouths like crazed dentists. The circus had dancing elephants. There were guys and dolls eating fire.
The circus had plenty of acrobats, too. The girls were dressed in spangles and not much else. They looked hot from a distance, the best kind of hot. Short-ish, muscular men in leotards played throw and catch with them as easy as you and your dad before a little league game.
Then came the nervous nancies. They didn’t think the animals were happy doing tricks. They figured the animals would be happier eating each other out in the landscape instead of the three hots and a cot they were getting. The circus had to go. They assured us that the new, improved circus would be even more interesting than the old, meanie circus.
Well, here’s what you get instead of the big top. Stupid human tricks accompanied by autotune noise and selfies with the camera held the wrong way.
Worst. Circus. Ever.
[Thanks to Charles Schneider for sending that one along]