Wingsuits Out of a B-17 Bomb Bay. I’m In. I Only Have One Quibble

Wingsuits Out of a B-17 Bomb Bay. I’m In. I Only Have One Quibble

I felt guilty drinking Dunkin’ Donuts coffee while I watched the video. Not sure why. Perhaps there was some sort of marketing message hidden in the video that I missed. Maybe it was one of those subliminal messages that make otherwise rational people buy hot dogs from the rollers at a drive-in theater. I dunno. That’s not my quibble anyway.

B-17s are cool. Can’t quibble about the choice of plane. I’ve been in a B-17. It’s like a giant flying boxcar. It’s a tank that drops bombs. It’s a really cool piece of Americana. That’s not the problem.

These dudes jump out of the bomb bay of a B-17 for a stunt. That’s cool. I’ve jumped out of a plane before. I wasn’t wearing a sorta motorcycle helmet, though. You wear a kind of soft cap that keeps your hair from beating holes in your head on the way down. It’s handy for when you bump your head on metal items inside the plane, which believe me, you do, even if you’re not hanging around in a bomb bay. I have no problem with the helmets, though.

The wingsuit dudes unfurl Old Glory and it flutters nicely all the way down. It’s the coolest flag ever. It’s the color scheme. Hard to beat red, white, and blue. Betsy Ross nailed it. I have no problem with that.

No, the only quibble I have is this: Do you guys have to dress like John Kerry while he’s bicycling? You’re covered with more bright yellow swoosh strips and peach spangles than French downhill skis have, for crissakes. You’re jumping out of bomber planes. Dress like Audie Murphy or Johnny Cash, not a Tour de France runner up.

[Many thanks to Gerard at American Digest for sending that one along]

5 thoughts on “Wingsuits Out of a B-17 Bomb Bay. I’m In. I Only Have One Quibble

  1. Once, during a boring class at the infantry school, I drew a big cartoon of a guy HALO jumping and flying pell mell towards some MIG fighters. The wrinkle was that he had a Claymore mine duct taped to his helmet, the words “Front towards enemy” embossed on it, and he was gripping the “clacker” detonator in one hand.
    That would be less stimulating than squirrel suiting out of a B-17 bomber, which is way over the top. That’s what I come here for. Pure juice.

  2. Well said Max. I get why it’s a goal to have financing but when it hits you in the face over and over, it has the opposite effect – I’m just fine with my Dunkin D coffee. On a related issue when I first saw wing suits, I imagined a whole platoon of Seals rocketing in formation into a jungle somewhere.

  3. Hi Gerard- You’re a peach.
    Hi Casey- I hereby propose we change the name of wingsuit jumping to ” squirrel suiting” in your honor.
    Hi Smitty- We call it “Dunkin’ Disorderly” at our house. We buy their beans and grind them every morning.
    Hi Jethro- I’ve often wondered about the helmets. You’re going to need more than a helmet if something goes awry. You have an outside shot at an open casket, I guess.

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